Two months into my undergraduate degree, and I'm just beginning to realize something: my parents were right about everything. Thus far, in my relatively short and unexperienced life, I've coasted my way through everything that I claim to be important to me. I can't remember a single thing that I consciously studied for in high school(diploma prep courses don't count), and in terms of my voice, I didn't ever have a serious practice habit. Midterms are over, and I have received marks varying from the class average to 2-3% higher than it. My professors say that this is good, and if the average is too high, they're doing something wrong. My friend from across the hall says, 'great, you're with the average.' I don't want my standards to be equal to the kid who posts on the Music Student Facebook group only when he's drunk. I want to be that amazing student/person that my parents believe me to be.
Let me give you all some background on my family. My father had CFA training, and my mother was a CMA, has her LLB and her LLM. They are both exceedingly intelligent and hard-working. My dad, the amazing man that he is, was CEO of a few companies, and he made those companies the amazing forces that they became, sold them when he got offers he couldn't refuse, and continued to make the places he worked better. Starting, or helping to start companies was yet another thing he was good at. He has integrity, work ethic, a temper, and pride.
My mother is perhaps more impressive (no offence dad). She moved away from home when she was sixteen, paid for night school by having many terrible jobs, got in and out of a marriage (the one saving grace: my amazing sister), and then met my father. With his 'support', she went to law school (a few times), paid for it entirely through scholarships, and is now at a top firm, and recognized as one of the top lawyers in Canada. Just for fun (not exactly), she teaches law at a university in her spare time. No big shoes to fill or anything.
Now you know that when I tell you I have a lot to live up to, I'm not kidding you. However I'm just beginning to understand that what I'm doing isn't adequate or acceptable.
In my psychology 101 class (two 70% midterms so far), I have learned about external and internal locus of control. The external locus of control belongs to someone who believes that what they do is controlled by other forces. When things go right, it's luck! And when things go wrong, someone has it out for them. I have been operating under the misapprehension that there is an external locus of control. Guess who has better grades: the student with the internal locus of control or the student with the external locus of control? Well, if you paid attention as much as I did in Psych, you would shrug and maybe ask where the party is this weekend. It's the student with the internal locus of control. They know that what they get out of life is what they put into it, and regardless of circumstances, you can make quite a lot out of yourself if you put in the effort. I spew that opinion to all of those Liberals out there, but oh my god, I'm a hypocrite.
I've come to the frustrating conclusion that I'm not reaching my potential, and who's to blame? ME! So here are my options: wallow in self-pity, hating that someone just seems to be dealing me blow after blow, or I can put on my big girl pants, accept that the 68% I got on my MU100 midterm came from my own lack of knowledge/ability, and get my ass into that practice room to become the next Maria Callas like I claim I want to. The next step: make myself believe that I want this. Approach: work like my mother, for probably the FIRST time in my life. If you're reading this, which you're probably not because I won't be advertising this blog, I am becoming accountable to you. I won't post every day, or even every week, but I will tell you how this belated New Years Resolution goes. Progress reports will be for the both of us, dear reader, and I hope to not disappoint either of us.
